please add your own, we all can use a laugh
Published on February 7, 2008 By Keila In WinCustomize Talk
IRS

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles.
What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they
send us a free box of bread-wafers."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste, "answered the Rabbi."

What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."


Comments (Page 27)
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on Mar 04, 2009

  Priceless!

on Mar 04, 2009

Writing's Powerful Message

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.

When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

on Mar 04, 2009

 Woohoo ain't that the truth:

 <-------- He got the job! 

on Mar 04, 2009


 

 
 

 

 

 

on Mar 04, 2009

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,
'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............


You'll like this


NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

on Mar 04, 2009

Hi! I was thinking about you yesterday!

on Mar 04, 2009

awww thanks Doc I have been thinking of you as well

on Mar 04, 2009

Left a message on the "I'm Back"...Gawd it's great ta see ya! And what a cutie!!

on Mar 04, 2009

All purpose apology letter:

Dear:

A)Family

B)Sweetheart

C)Teacher

D)Sir or Madam

I am so very
a ) sorry
b )damaged
c ) ashamed
d ) confused

about this whole
a ) boondoggle.
b ) wang doodle.
c ) whatever I did that's making you so pissy.
d ) "pressing charges" thing.

I simply could not control the
a ) jet ski.
b ) rocket booster.
c ) Zamboni.
d ) pods at the end of my arms and legs.

And while it is true that I should not have headed in the direction of your
a ) white, suede loveseat,
b ) Cub Scout troop,
c ) wife,
d ) priceless beer can artwork,

especially after consuming so much
a ) sangria,
b ) meth,
c ) fresh air,
d ) priceless beer,

it was all meant in fun!

The subsequent
a ) carnage
b ) soiling
c ) shame
d ) ongoing investigation

that I caused is, hopefully,
a ) like, "whatevs."
b ) covered by your policy 'cause I'm not insured.
c ) beyond my comprehension -- and yours.
d ) appreciated.

I humbly ask your forgiveness, though it is perfectly within your rights to
a ) spank me.
b ) blow up my spot.
c ) claim my firstborn.
d ) gouge out my eyes and feed them to your priceless koi.

Remember -- I am first and foremost your
a ) only child.
b ) BBF 4-eva.
c ) co-signer.
d ) kidney donor.

I hope that this clears up any hard feelings and
a ) restores my inheritance.
b ) puts us back in bed together.
c ) brings you to your sanctimonious knees!
d ) gets me off.

Sincerely,
Me

on Mar 04, 2009

OK! Love it! Perfect!

on Mar 04, 2009

love it , very clever, Now what did I do with that list 

on Mar 04, 2009

hehehe, hey I am so glad to see you back Shaunna!!!

on Mar 05, 2009

Reflections On Life

1. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly, you're in bed with a relative. 

2. Why is it we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

3. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." 

4. I saw a young woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "implants?" She hit me.

5. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail; but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ... That was fun!"

on Mar 05, 2009

5. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail; but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ... That was fun!"
A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move bodies.

on Mar 05, 2009

Thus sayeth Wizard Soprano! 

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