Great one Doc!!

Anything for the Wiz!

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Today's Medical Pearl:

The results are in!

There is a medical distinction, weve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "Youre next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking though, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.

Good one!

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor" says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor.

''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her," the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped, "That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don’t, do you, dear?"

"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!"

The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"

"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."

If At First You Don't Succeed . . . Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand basket?

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states.

Equality!! If men and women were created equal, a judge in capital crime cases would have to make sure that women were hung like men

What do you call the children of couch potatoes? Tator Tots

Definition of a Dance: A navel engagement without the loss of semen.

I don't understand how I got over the hill! -- without ever being on top

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''

The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without"

  CLASSIC!

Paddy and the Jigsaw
Paddy walks through town one day when he spots an interesting looking box in a shop window.

He enters the shop, grabs the box and gives it a shake.
Paddy thinks to himself 'God, this must be some sort of million piece jigsaw'. He buys the jigsaw.

When he arrives home, he pours the jigsaw out accross the table. But all of the pieces are the same. Paddy tries turning them over but they still all look the same. So he decides to ring up his mate Patrick.

'Hello Patrick?'

'Hello Paddy!'

'Patrick I've got a bit of a problem. I've bought this million piece jigsaw and all of the pieces look the same.

'Well have you tried turning them over Paddy?'

'Yes,yes I've tried that andthey still all look the same.'

'OK I'll come round to your house in a minute, but tell me one more thing, what's on the front of the box?'

'Oh, some sort of cockerel.'

When Patrick arrives at Paddy's, he takes him through to the living room where the jigsaw is laid out accross the table.

'You see Patrick, this is my million piece jigsaw with all the pieces that look the same.'

And Patrick says...

'Paddy,that's a box of corn flakes!!!'