Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn... is it midnight already?"

Eco-sailors rescued by oil tanker

An expedition team which set sail from Plymouth on a 5,000-mile carbon emission-free trip to Greenland have been rescued by an oil tanker.

Full story here

1) When your driving and looking for an address why do you turn down the volume on the radio?

2) How can you hear yourself think?

3) Where in d nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty was an egg?

4) Why does 'Fat chance' and 'Slim chance' mean the same thing?

5) Why is it called a building if its aleady built?

6) Why is the word abbreviate so long?

7) If a person who suffered from amnesia was cured, would they ever remember they forgot?

8) If you died with braces on would they take them off?

9) Is it possible to get addicted to counselling? if so, hows it treated?

10) If you try, fail and suceed what did u just do?

11) Do fish sleep?

12 ) Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions & you don't know if they are rhetorical r not?

13) Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

14) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

15) Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

16) Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

17) If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

18) Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

19) Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

20) Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

21) If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

22) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

23) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

24) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

25) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings & then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

26) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

27) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

28) What do you call male ballerinas?

29) Can blind people see their dreams?

30) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?? i did it too

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came

across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't

often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes

each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr.

Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his

head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in

the neighbouring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a

motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for

himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as

well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both

turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish

that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could.

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although 
very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with 
his old buddies. 

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.' 
'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife. 
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a 
beer.' 

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the 
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. 

The husband didn't know what to do and the only thing that he could 
think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... you know...they 
have frozen glasses... ' 

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him 
by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer 
mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just 
holding it. 

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the 
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't 
be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?' 

'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took 
out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in 
blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches. 

'But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty 
words and all that...' 

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? - LISTEN UP CHICKENSHIT!! SIT YOUR 
ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG 
AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T 
GOING TO A DAMN BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?' 

And...they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

The police arrested a guy who claimed his name was Marvin Fuckbreak. They phoned his place of employ to ensure that was really his name.

The officer said, "Do you have a Fuckbreak there?"

The person on the other end said, "No, we don't even get a coffee break!"

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Sex Sandals

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"

So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them. He was satisfied with things they way they were. The Jamaican quickly figured out the wife felt like she was getting the short end of the stick, so to speak.

The wife asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Tell him to just try dem on, Lady." So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.

As soon as the husband slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes. There was a level of excitement his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! You got dem on the wrong feet!"


 

the joke posted at the top is funny as hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lit-TTksFrg

@ Keila:

Muslim Version of Adam and Eve

http://www.pcqanda.com/dc/user_files2/23536.jpg

O.M.G !   rofl , Doc !